24 April 09 – Ti Amo, ti odio

April 27, 2009 · 3 comments

My patience for menus that blatantly lie is wearing thin. Tiamo, I’m looking in your direction. My first, and until recently only, experience eating at Tiamo Cafe was many years ago when I lived in Nedlands and had a very forgettable lunch with a (unforgettable) friend there. I had no intentions of returning until I recently read in the Vogue Forums that someone had had a fabulous breakfast there, and so I thought I’d give them a second chance.

I arrived at Tiamo incredibly hungry following a session at the gym, as is my modus operandi, and sat at one of the outside tables in the beautiful morning sunshine. I should have known to cut and run after asking for a “traditional long mac” and being asked if I would like it topped up with milk. I was feeling in a generous mood however, and was happy that at least they had asked if I like it topped up rather than just assuming I do. I am curious as to what she thought I meant by traditional however. Anyway, after perusing the not terribly inspiring menu I decided on Eggs Benedict (“Free Range Eggs on toasted English muffins with freshly sliced honey leg ham”) with the addition of grilled tomatoes. The waiter became a little confused when I checked if the dish was served with hollandaise (which I don’t like to eat) but returned a little while later to confirm that it does (so I asked for none).

I didn’t have to wait too long for my food, which is unsurprising as it doesn’t take very long to grill one measly tomato, poach a couple of eggs and stick them on a cold muffin topped with one single slice of packet sandwich ham. I declined the waiter’s offer of some “grilled black pepper” with my meal and dug in with a decided lack of gusto. It tasted like you would imagine, although at least the eggs were softly poached.

The highlight was being asked by the girl at the counter how my meal was, telling her the truth (politely) and being met with “Oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dear. That’s $18.50″. Up until then I was at least happy with the service, especially given the amusing offer of grilled pepper, but this even stole this happiness from me.

Ti odio, TiAmo. You suck.

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