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Air NZ may have the champagne, but United has the champagne comedy

June 9, 2010 · 73 comments

As I mentioned in my last post (which also has details about how to win tickets to the Perth Good Food & Wine Show) I am currently off having a hot, sweaty fling with summer.

Given that the next few weeks are going to continue on much like the last couple, and involve me having pretty much no time to brag to you about the epic eating frenzy that has ensued since my departure from Perth, I thought I’d quickly share some airplane food with you before I get back to practising my conference presentation then run off to another conference function that will no doubt involve trying to hold up my end of an interesting conversation whilst juggling a stubby of beer and plate of tortilla and salsa.

Air New Zealand lunch - Chicken and asparagus tart, pasta salad and Pohutukawa honey ice cream

This food pretty much tasted like it looked. Salad had too much sauce and the tart was overly cheesy, but the ice cream was damn good. I have no idea what Pohutukawa (not Ponutukawa as I wrote before, thanks Greg!) honey is but I like it, although I suspect it will be an unfulfilled like due to Australian customs’ opinion on foreign honey.

Air New Zealand dinner - sweet potato salad, lamb something, Pohutukawa honey ice cream and other bits and pieces

Not terribly exciting, but not too bad either once I’d de-fatted the chunks of lamb. I hadn’t heard of Egmont Cheese before but I quite like the thought of an egg mountain. More Pohutukawa honey ice cream. Excellent.

Air New Zealand breakfast - scrambled eggs, sausage, baked beans, fruit salad and yoghurt

Well, I may have called the thing in the lower right hand side “fruit salad”, but in my opinion honeydew doesn’t count. It’s such a nothing fruit. I see no point in its existence. I also rejected the sausage. The honeydew and sausage are probably off somewhere making snide remarks about me.

My next flight was with United, from LA to Albuquerque, and didn’t offer any food. What it lacked in food service though, it made up for in comedy gold to a sleep-deprived brain, through the Sky Mall product catalogue. Allow me to share some of the quality products with you.

The ONLY underwater pogo stick

no! no! Face Trainer

no! no! sums this up rather nicely, I think.

Want to feel downright pleasant? You need SkyRest!

I started laughing at this and then got quite sad. I was feeling decidedly downright unpleasant, and Peter Holland‘s brother looked so comfortable with his velour contraption. I just hope the man in front of him also has a SkyRest and thus doesn’t want to recline his seat.

It’s not only when you’re flying that you sometimes need a little rest. Imagine this – you’ve spent all day looking for the perfect burgundy dress to wear to your work function, come home and done your hair just so, and suddenly found you’re in desperate need of a wee kip before you can handle making small talk with Larry from Accounts. It’s a good thing you have Relax ‘N Nap to make your stresses disappear much like your face.

Relax 'N Nap

A Unique Solution

This girl wouldn’t be looking so pleased with herself if she knew she was missing out on the cell phone of the future.

The watch of tomorrow!

Mombasa - "for ornamental use only"

I’m not really fussed either way with Mombasa, but there’s something I dig about this kid with his jaunty pose, beautifully tucked in yellow shirt and unforgiving stare. Nothing’s getting past him. He’s the modern day Encyclopedia Brown.

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